Cold and Lonely

I've grown tired of counting the days or months that I have been single.

I've never talked about how it ended and now I think I'm ready to write about it.

Honestly there is no one to blame but me anyway.

I admit i feel very bitter. I probably pushed him to his limit and he got tired.

I keep looking for something perfect when I know that I could never have

everything at all but it's alright. No regrets. If we are meant for

each other we'd see each other again but there is the uncertainty if we are

be going to be together if ever it will indeed come.

There's the question too that will he ever accept me again?

I'm not hoping.

Yes, there's a little hope but not too much that it will keep me waiting for him.

I've let him go and for now I don't want to have a boyfriend.

Ayokong magsalita ng tapos kaya lang mukang ayaw ko na magka boyfriend ulit.

I am open to dating and hopefully someone would save me from my misery

and loneliness then fall in love. This is the first time that I felt really lonely for

my birthday and upcoming christmas. I have my friends and all but I'm not used

to being single I guess but I'll get used to it. Somehow.

I still love him to the point that I want to get a tattoo so that even if i get him off my

mind I'll always have him under my skin blacked in ink. - Ymylle.

Big Turn On And Turn Offs

Long time no post. Finally an update. Haha.
Inspired? Nah. Buying time.

I think it's already been a month now that I've been single and so far so good.
Actually I've been enjoying the set up. Don't want any responsibilities.
Date Date Date.

Ayoko na nung tipong may aalalahanin pa ko kapag umalis tapos hindi nagpaalam sakin kung san pupunta o vice versa. Yung nag papaalam ako sa kinauukulan na masahol pa sa magulang. May nagbabawal. Selos. In short, ayoko na ng may nakiki alam sakin. Haha. Nightmare ako maging girlfriend. Jowk.

I've decided to have this set up because I'm not ready for a committed relationship yet. I don't quite remember being single anyway. For all the past I've always exerted effort to the point of getting hurt and left disappointed.
All of us, of course when we meet someone we fell in love with wants to be with him or her forever. Clearly, that did not happen to me which is fine. I'm young. Need not to be in a hurry.

Since I'm talking about my singleness and celebrating the dating game.
I'll reveal the biggest turn off and turn ons.
( As if someone's interested to know anyway.)

First Turn Ons
1) Chinky Eyed Guys
- Big Sucker for those guys. Asian looking guys not to the point of it's OA already that he looks like a korean boy band. I don't actually look for the overall face. Not looking for a handsome guy but at first glance always looks for the eyes. Like they say, mirror of the soul.

2) Responsible
- Need someone who's not a potato couch that lies around all day, eats then sleeps. Don't need a rich guy but someone who plans and thinks for the future.

3) Maturity
- Don't do drama on me because surely I'll punch the face. And insecurity do not sell to me.

4) Clean
- I want a presentable guy who I can bring to my mom. I'm not discriminating or anything but I don't like small guys in big shirts with caps then baggy pants.

There, probably the most of it for the turn on.

Here's for the Turn offs:

1) Promise Breakers
- No need to make a promise if someone's going to break it anyway. It's useless. Just words out of thin air. No committment.

2) Liar Liar Liar - Big Fat Liar
- What's the point of doing it anyway? If I have a bf let's say for example then he have somewhere to go to with friends or what not, why not tell me honestly than telling me that you're in the office or doing something else. Another thing, if i ask a question, be sure to answer it truthfully because whatever the reason even if i get mad the results will still be the same since when I find out that it's a lie, the situation will probably get worst. Basically love is founded on trust. If you don't trust a person, will you love him? No.

3) Insecure / Selfish
- Don't like a guy who always compares or gets mad when I'm not spending time with him. I hate it when my time is alloted for one specific person. It's like "did you buy me or my time already? You don't own me". I want my space. I still like privacy. If I'm open to something, won't hide it anyway. Don't need to spy or look into my accounts/ cellphone without permission. Ask. It won't hurt.

4) Choosy / Picky/ Pihikan when it comes to food
- I like to cook and eat. I don't like someone who's super picky and doesn't eat his veggies!

5) Snoring


There. That serves as my list.
Hope I get many date. Haha.

Karate Kid!

I've always been a fan of the Karate Kid movie. Even the 1984 film, I never fail to watch whenever I catch in HBO.


With the 2010 Karate Kid movie staring Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan, it has the similar story. The underdog and the bully.


It all started out with Dre (Jaden Smith) moved to china with his mom. He was adjusting to a totally different country and culture plus with no friends. He definitely doesn't have any choice.
Mr Han (Jackie Chan) was his mentor.

I don't want to actually ruin and tell it all here. You really have to watch it for yourself because it's totally far much more better than the karate kids movie that I've watch. It has a certain twist and a lot of things to look for especially the funny part.

It worth the money, time and I don't regret waiting for it ever since I saw the trailer.
Two Thumbs up. x]]

Lots,

Mapi

Goodbye friend. Nice meeting you.

Before you proceed in reading this entry, I must warn you that this is dramatic.

It all started because I have this friend at work. We were okay not until I was confused by certain events. Well, he said "gusto kita" which was fine because I'm not boasting or anything but it happened like a hundred times already.

The policy that I have "pag tropa, tropa. walang talo talo."

The mess started when he suddenly ask me things and one that really blew my fuse was this - "Mahal mo ba ko?" Now how did we get there? He was actually inviting me to go out with friends to drink or something with him inviting some girl. I said, "Why are you asking permission? I do not owe you." I also said that I'm not gonna go because it's gonna be awkward. Not the mention, I was the one with him when we were out and then the next thing he's gonna get someone to go with us. I don't have any to right but that particular place that he mentioned that we were going to was a little bit special.

I have always been picky with friends and I have but a few precious ones.
I admit I value him. He's one of them.

And i don't just go and tag along with whom ever that invites me. And then he assumed and asked that stupid question which was useless to answer. As I recall, I did not show any action or signs that I love him. I'm always fair. What you see is what you get. I've always been sweet. For those who knew me, they know that I'm one of the boys. I always get the rumor that whoever sticks with me is my bf. I always shrug that off.

Since he asked that particular question I had to ask "Ano ba ko sayo?". Even if a guy said that he liked me I would never assume. I would always act like he said nothing like that. Be normal. I wanted to know simply because I wanna know my place.

He answered with a very stupid answer - "Di ko alam". It's unacceptable.

I started to change. I did not talk to him and pretend like he was air.

I know he didn't want me to loose me as a friend because as he said I'm the only one close to him. We would always wait for each other then set up computer together. Share food and drink. Laugh. Throw jokes. People would always tease us. That's how we were. That's the picture.

When I asked my place, he couldn't answer it directly. He would always avoid or have it answered indirectly, incomplete. Unclear. Since, I couldn't get the answer that I wanted. I had to end it and said that there's a lot of people specifically girls that he can replace me with. And he said another thing that not only blew my fuse but made me really angry. He said that there were "No physical contact" with those girls. I'm like "Hindi ako bagay na pwede mo nalang idisplay at hawak hawakan kung kelan mo gusto. Nasasaktan din naman ako." I'm human and I have a heart. Although I look tough, of course I get hurt.
And the last thing that really ended this was "Tang ina ka pala eh. Alam ko bang magiging close tayo? Ginusto ko ba to?" That was it. Finishing line.

For the one's that I've talked with, they know that I did my part. I tried to save what he have. The worst part of it all, we are team mates. So yeah, it's hard for the both of us. Nobody won. We both loose. There was no give and take. There was no compromise. There was no agreement.

He owes me an apology because I value respect. Sure. He can always act like that with his parents, other friends, girl friends or whatever but I'm different. It's true that I should accept him for what he is because I met him he's like that already but I can't adjust for him. That's not always the case. I can't change for someone so that I can make them happy neither will he do. I'm just gonna let it go.

The one thing that really frustrates me the most with this issue is that He chose pride over friendship. It's pathetic. He said that I don't know him but I can see right through him. I can read what he feels even If he would put up a smile. He already opened himself to me. Funny things is, he can't read me.

I've always been alone.

Even if, I don't have friends at work I can function. Professionalism.
Pride always kept me going but I know that it can be my downfall that's why when I hold on to that I know I'm right.

Like I said I'm upset but my world is not going to stop for him.
I'm gonna get over it because it's already over.
I'm gonna move on after this entry.


Goodbye friend. Nice meeting you.



I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
- Lyrics from What hurts the most by Rascal Flatts

lots,
mapi

May 10 2010 Elections

In my last post I was going to vote for Noynoy but at the last minute, I changed my mind. I went for Gibo.

I have nothing against those people who voted for Noynoy.
I'm fine with him being our president because I'm sure the whole country will be keeping an eye for him and remember his slogan "Kung walang korupt, walang mahirap". I know that he would do his best to be a good president. He won, fair and square so let's just respect that because obviously majority wins. Democracy. I hope that people would learn to concede and not talk shit. The way I see it, people like that are just plain losers. Sourgraping. It's annoying because reality sucks. We can't please everybody.

My basis for me going for Gibo because he doesn't talk much. He doesn't really bash other candidates like everybody else is doing. Another thing, by comparing him and Noynoy, I've decided that he really does have a concrete platform (in my pov). I think what let him down was that the Administration did not give him full support and a lot of them went "balimbing". Iniwanan sya sa ere. Then a lot of people didn't give him a chance because they've set their mind he's the current administration's candidate thus he's gonna do the samething that PGMA did in our country. By all means, all of the Filipino people know that and I don't need to explain much further because it's gonna be negative post.

Anyway, as for the elections, I was lucky to be voting for the first time and had to experience the automation. A lot of people, complained but over all I think this system is much better than the old one. Everyone should understand that it's the first time. There's lots of room for improvement like for example, more pcos machine to accomodate more people. There was a really long line, so lesson learned - wake up early then vote early. There should be a separate room/line for seniors or disabled to avoid hassle. No offense but they are really slow considering the fact that during their time there was no computer. There should be added people to assist them too so that they can be educated on how to properly vote. For those who are in the line or waiting there should be covered sheds, accesible bathrooms and available water to drink. They should also appoint someone who would watch over the line to check if somebody collapsed already or makes "singit" to the line. So there. That will be all.

By the way, found this on the internet.




HEHE.

lots,
mapi

Mother's Day

I already have plans on what to give for my mom. Actually, every occasion I want to make her cry. The tears of joy. I see to it that whatever it is that I'm going to give, it must be memorable and have it personalized if applicable.

I bought a starbucks mug where you can put your picture inside. I have materials, a picture of her then a dedication.

It was really a stressful work because I only had one day to do it. I had to shop, choose design, make a simple message and put it all together yesterday at home. I had to work cautiously so that she won't caught me doing it. It's hard because every night before going to sleep, she does the usual. She would go to my room then rant rant rant then ask me about my day which I really appreciate by the way. And unfortunately for me, my door doesn't have a door knob. Good thing was bf was there. He was the one who was carrying the paper bag and stuff when we came home so she didn't notice or became suspicious or anything. He was my lookout. Couldn't have done it without him. A big thank you to him!

It took me two hours or so of work on the project. I'm very happy with the outcome. It didn't look like it was rushed off. It was nice. The theme was like retro like then have flowers as an added design. Too bad that I didn't have time to have it pictured because I was scared she might see it. It's a surprise. Hehe. But if I have time, I'll take a shot of it then post it here. After finishing, I had to hide the gift.

I was pretty tired and exhausted. Walking around. Looking around. I had to look for a starbucks that sells that mug. The northgate store doesn't have stock. I had to go to festival mall then look for the store too because it's newly opened. It was traffic going home. And I didn't eat that night. I still had a good night sleep though. Thank gawd I'm day shift! ♥

Results? She shed a tear and said thank you. Very heart warming. The gift wasn't much but at least she was able to appreciate what I've done. It was worth it.




Wish I could do more because she deserves everything. My mom and I had a lot of misunderstandings. BIG ones but we were able to patch things up and we are closer than ever. Our relationship just got stronger because of trials. It just sometimes makes me weak and cry inside because deep inside you know that she wants something but you can't give it because it's not attainable or impossible. It's sad I know but bad things comes to an end. It's not forever. All I can do NOW is make her feel a little bit better, ease the pain; that once in awhile she can be happy even for just a split second. All I'm praying is for still keep it strong and don't loose hope not only for me but for my brothers as well.

For all the moms out there,



For my mom, she won't get to read this but like I always tell her:
I love you and everything that I do is for you and our family.


lots,
mapi

Tumblr.

I'm fond of blogging so I tried the new trend thing which is tumblr although I already have my blogspot account. When I tried it, it's really hard to use (based on my pov) because there's no comment button . The only thing that it will do is reblog, click the heart to like the post and there's sometimes a reply button but I don't actually know if it does work. I don't really like post stuff there because I don't have a cam with me all the time. I have a cam phone but it would be nice if it's gonna be digicam; obviously because of the resolution and clarity of the image. Aside from that, I don't have the time to take pictures just to post every hour or every update. I don't have PC or internet at home too. It would explain why I'm like a million years to update. I apologize for that. Hehe. I don't wanna be an internet addict like the old days when I was in high school or college but I appreciate all the people that I've met over the net and will meet. Anyway, I prefer this type of blog because if someone comments I would know that they really wasted their time on my blog just to read unlike in tumblr they're just gonna browse. If the reader likes what they see, click click but no opinion involved. Aside from that fact here I can express whatever I feel. Okay, I know a picture would say a thousand words but for me like it when direct to the point. Say whatever you wanna say. No more beating around the bush. And for the images with writing on it, it would really make time to make those. I know photoshop but I'm no pro. The last thing that I've noticed is that there are a lot of followers on a popular account but doesn't really talk to the owner. So, if in that sense, it's like friendster LOADS of stalkers. This to make it clear, I have nothing against stalkers and I don't wanna be one actually. It's creepy. Having said all these, I still like tumblr because I follow some great people. Some are friends and some are friends that like what I've mentioned a while ago friends over the net. I make sure that these people I follow are really interesting, worth of my time and I can learn something from them because I don't wanna see worthless post on my dashboard every time I open my account I make it to a point that every now and then, I would say hi to the people I follow by using the ask button. This is just a random post. I don't have anything against the people who really are addict about tumblr. I just want to post some of the things that I've noticed upon using this site based on my experience.

That's all.

lots,
mapi